The secrets of beauty
I was a young therapist with 7 or 8 years of activity behind. I still had a lot to learn. Depth psychology catalyze all my enthusiasm. I studied and still fervently followed all the seminars that seemed interesting, but what really enriched me and shaped me were the stories every day that I needed to hear.
When I opened the door to new clients only two days before had called me on the phone I was struck: Jane Doe was a young woman of 29 years of an unusual beauty. Even worse was the month of May. A of those months in which to Rome was already dying from the heat ... and Mary was wearing a cloth so light and short forms that extolled the generosity of his body, leaving uncovered legs. It looked like a model straight out from the pages of a glossy fashion magazine.
when strapping remember thinking:
- My God, how beautiful! What could ever want from me? Try
so imagine my surprise when Mary began by saying:
- I'm desperate, sir. I feel a crush ... I have no respect or confidence in myself. I do not know what I want. And then I do not like me ... not like anyone. No one finds me attractive. I was also thinking cosmetic surgery. Maybe ... if I had the smaller nose or breasts ... most abundant hair ... blacks ... or if I were taller.
he told me so. With simplicity but also with despair, and looked at me with those blue eyes that made the tears sparkling like precious aquamarines. The perfect oval face, the little nose, full lips and fleshy, light-brown hair that fell in waves over her shoulders. And a body to scream ...
I do not know how to remain impassive and rather than contradicting it (would be a terrible mistake by a therapist), but proposes to endorse his anguish at the same time, to tell their own history. Which, admittedly, was basically a textbook psychological. An only child of a woman totally under the thumb of her husband, Mary was raised in a poor environment of affection and attention. The mother constantly striving to satisfy the capricious expectations of her husband, of course, never be able to succeed. The father mostly absent or distracted. And, anyway, with a clear preference for all other women in the world, who never failed to praise and appreciate emphatically in the face for her daughter.
the trade - remember Mary - were commonplace. And, consequently, the desperate cries of the mother. And the arguments, the words heavy, the screams. Often also slaps and insults. Then the joints of his father more or less durable and, in association with them, the depression of the mother.
Maria had grown so without any consideration from the world of significant adults around her, wanting to use one of the most beautiful metaphors eziopatologiche coined by our psychiatrist Cancrini Louis, the "mirrors" in which Mary, as a child, had tried to focus its image results were dirty, dull, devoid of light. Inadequate to make them self-awareness. As a result, the girl had withdrawn into herself, crushed by a deep humiliation that neither the school before, neither the world of work later, they had managed to unseat. The moment I met her, Mary, stopped prematurely after his university studies, he worked as a warehouse to a supermarket and its top prospects were those days could become a cashier in the same business structure.
As I mentioned at the beginning, the case of Mary might be considered trivial and exemplary at the same time: one part for the apparent overwhelming compulsory basic psychological dynamics, and secondly for their own relativity - in case - not even a resource so obvious (the beauty of Mary) was able to eradicate.
'll try to explain. Whenever I listen to a story, I try to defend myself all the way from the temptation of falling into a deterministic conception (or causal) of human destiny. This is because only a low-profile psychology can hope that, given certain conditions, specific results will occur inevitably. In reality things are never that simple: only in the inorganic world by applying a given force to an object that moves with a speed and direction in a predictable and measurable. In the realm of the living, on the contrary, especially in the human world, in spite of all attempts to psychological reductionism, the results are never discounted or even less predictable. An anxious mother and possessive - just as an example - can affect the life of a child and make it passive and dependent. As for reaction, the same child could be reckless and rebellious. And between these two extremes could have all the shades you can imagine. This is because, unlike the inorganic world, in human terms come into play such a large number of independent variables (physical and psychological hereditary characters, talents, ability, opportunity, luck and misfortune) that in practice, given certain conditions, it is always impossible predict what these will be determined. So when a psychological point of view is reconstructed a history and the reasons are traced to a man or a woman have produced certain results, one should always remember that, as has been described "how" and the symptoms have not developed their "why." Describes the relationships that, in this specific case, they have played in favor of a negative development, not the "laws" that have ruled that mandatory same fate.
no coincidence, in my work, I always met many people in terrible conditions of life, on the whole, fared quite well, how I've experienced that, however, gave way entirely, developing symptoms significantly. As I met people who have frustrations and insults laughable minimum, have developed rather devastating symptoms.
For the case of Mary was amazing: on the one hand were obvious events and circumstances that had damaged his psychological development and humiliated his image as a young woman. Second, it was also clear that not a gift as precious as the beauty of Mary had been able to pay attention and love lost. This young, beautiful woman would go around the world bathed in an aura of melancholy and sadness so deep, thick and dense to keep everyone at a safe distance. In fact
Mary, even as an adult, had no great love stories ... a few boys had shown a genuine interest in her (beyond sexual whims of discount) and, in the last few years, dragged into a sordid history triangle with a married man that if he took her to bed four or five times a month without promising too much.
listen to it in those first hours of our therapeutic relationship, it was shocking for me: touch and watched with eyes like no potential, no wealth, if not supported from within, had the power to make happy and satisfied with the ' human being. I know that this is an inconvenient truth: just as most people are convinced that it would be enough to have a large sum of money to be truly satisfied, so most part of women could be tempted to believe that all you need is also only half the beauty of Mary to feel satisfied. Without understanding that without a healthy ego centrality, or the beauty of women, nor the wealth to everyone else, could never be guarantees of fulfillment and happiness.
In those same months that I was in therapy, another young woman the same age as Mary. A woman for whom Mother Nature had not been too generous, but rather ... very stingy. Well! The woman was in the liking person: intelligent, educated, bright, outgoing, full of joy and life. Contrary to any expectation easy-dependent their physical appearance, in practice, with men, "did not know who to give the remains." If you had come to me, was just to better understand their feelings, and tired of always accumulate new experiences and encounters free, be sure to choose the authenticity among those declared his unconditional love. Because, contrary to what happened to Mary, no one was content to have relations with her sporadic and many wanted to marry her.
was necessary to reinforce a long therapeutic relationship, at least in part, the deeper I Mary. A report in which the emotional support played a decisive role in the transference. By I had the opportunity to have an experience that changed me radically since then, in fact, I do not even dreamed of doubting the fact that nothing, absolutely nothing, no money, no power, neither health nor beauty, can never replace the centrality of the ego or, if we use another term, and the true self-consciousness. This key component of the human spirit for the most part depends on the "models" who, being born and then developing, he may have had under his eyes. Second, from a healthy affective education, able to "mirror" in its spiritual values, absolute and non-dependent "property" of uncertainty. Third, Finally, pulses from centroversione innate (E. Neumann) and using talents, skills, talents and natural inclinations are able at times to meet the educational deficiencies of the above.
But the fact remains that without a solid picture of their existential value, no man and no woman can live satisfactorily. If anything can survive, whatever the surrogate which attempt to anchor their individuality.
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