Why tell stories of pain and suffering? Why divulge intimate secrets and cruel forces that we all strive to conceal, often even to ourselves? Why expose wounds, betrayal, lack of love, selfishness, violence suffered or perpetrated? Why reveal "the human, all too human" and make the invisible visible?
The general answer that there is a real tradition in this regard and that many psychoanalysts - driven by academic and literary impulses - often disclosed the "stories" as they may seem more significant, I had never be satisfied. Therefore, before creating this column, I asked myself the question again and the answer that I gave at the end, has been twofold: there was certainly my pleasure to write and tell. And, perhaps, even a barely concealed frustration of the desire to devote myself full time to this pleasure ... But above all, was the desire to share with all the sensitive people wonder, wonder or emotion from which I am often caught in the exercise of my profession. When I became a therapist, in fact, and looked out for the first time in the world of the human soul, I found unusual landscapes, perplexing, fascinating and terrifying at the same time. As I was bewitched. It was then that I promised myself that I would stop exercise as soon as I finished to amaze me. It's been 35 years but the wonder has not stopped drag me away, almost every day: every time a man or a woman judging me worthy of being a witness of their most intimate history. Because every time, despite the long years of activity, despite the repetitive always the same psychological dynamics, whenever I am surprised by the unpredictability and originality with which they lived in private grounds unfold to any single individual. And then, what sorrow! How many titanic efforts! How dare! Lavished much love and much love ... wasted
I do not watch television and read the newspapers recently. The reason why I have no interest in anything beyond easy platitudes of many, the real reason is that I'm now addicted to a vision of human reality so profound that everything else in comparison seems shallow, naive and very silly. Poor thing compared to the intensity and violence of the forces that depending on individual destinies and whose eccentricity still amazes me and touches me.
For everything you want to read this book as a generous gift that unknown men and women, through me, wanted to leave. Their personal information - such as gender, age, names, occupations - all have been altered by me to protect their identities, but the stories are absolutely true. If anything, certain psychodynamic mechanisms may seem less extraordinary and incredible as it really occurred. But I can assure you that the liability is due, in part, all'artefazione biographical data and the need for extreme synthesis, in which every time I have compelled the events of a lifetime, and in part instead of my incompetence. I apologize. But at this point it is only right to acknowledge that as an amateur writer like myself can be force, could hardly compete with the wisdom, originality and accuracy with which life embroiders the destiny of every human being sull'ordito the world. However, I still hope that what I will endeavor to bring in some ways, may nevertheless fail to intrigue and stimulate. Why read these stories, for many people, it might be a unique opportunity to understand that their personal affairs are not so unusual, outrageous or perverse as perhaps they always believed, but only slightly different from those of many others. And though many of these "others" were able to overcome its difficulties, it is said that one day they too can not exceed your own.
Demand hidden
Demand hidden
All students who pass their resistant decide to consult a therapist, usually arrive at the first hour with a precise question. However, the question with which usually is difficult is the authentic one. The deep question, the real one, the agonizing question that cries out urgently and requesting to be heard and resolved, it is almost always hidden in the depths of their unconscious and needs a lot of patience on the part of a therapist to be able to bring it out.
When Dr. John Smith, 49, an orthopedic surgeon in one of several hospitals in Rome, came to my office, had already lived two years separated from his wife. A woman who, after she betrayed him repeatedly during the 22 years of marriage, she had finally left to go live with a man much older than she, vulgar and violent. A man - ex-husband told her the same with long phone calls and mail pathetic - which certainly did not feel in love but, rather, irresistibly attracted. A man petty and cruel, however, seemed to hold in a kind of spell from which she could not shake.
So when Dr. Rossi sat on the armchair in my study and was exposed only briefly in this situation, their problem, his first question was:
- What can I do to help my wife? I love her a lot ... At that point, if I were sure that it is now very happy, I gladly would pull aside. But do not believe that she is happy. What can I do? How can I make them understand that, in addition to ruining our marriage, Mary is especially ruining their future life? In
Indeed, Dr. John Doe, sitting in front of me, at least in the first hour, showed no resentment, jealousy or any desire for revenge ... just a huge, endless pain. I really wanted to be helped to help his wife? I really just wanted the happiness of the woman and was ready to sacrifice their feelings? It seemed unlikely.
We agreed, however, to begin a process psychotherapy. During the first four or five sessions later I got to know its past history and find out the secret question that was stirring in his soul and led him into my office.
Mario was the first son of a wealthy Roman couple who, however, after it had not seemed too eager to experience more parenting. So it was only an "accident" that love, suddenly, when Mario was already seven years now, he was announced the arrival of a sister. The child, however, was carefully prepared in the event and asked to be a loving and responsible to the woman who would soon be reached.
Childbirth, according to the memories of my patient, was completely normal, and the sister went to the world healthy, lively and beautiful, and Mario's parents, after all, seemed happy to roll up their sleeves and start all over again, with pacifiers, lullabies, bottles and dirty diapers.
The girl, however, from the very beginning, showed a significant difficulty adjusting: he slept little, often cried and got sick of all kinds. At home he had never quiet. The years passed, the small but growing things did not change: a kind of morbid sensibility seemed to haunt her, preventing her from practicing living with the weight that should always characterize childhood.
Family life, however, proceeded.
When Mario had just turned 15 years old and attended the first school, a great loss fell on the family within a few months, the mother died of leukemia. And his little sister, who was only 8 and - as we have seen - Manifesting a character already very unstable, following the event visibly worsened. Mario, while attending school and is always among the first class, was made in four of the sister but was unable to reassure her that much. After some years his father, unable, or perhaps unable to take care of in the manner and time that she would serve, he thought well to put it into a college. It was in this environment that he developed the destiny of the tormented and troubled sister of Mario, daring escapes, disciplinary punishments. Provocative acts and rebels, other drastic punishment. Still Leak ... more and more severe punishments, in an escalation that did not seem to ever more finish. Mario, while continuing to study, was in despair about the fate of his sister and tried so with frequent phone calls, and continue to make her feel his closeness.
more years passed. Mario enrolled and attended medical school. The sister came out of college, he attended art school and - still young - he threw himself into a dissolute life of drugs and early sexual relations of any kind. The relationship between the two brothers, however, was very strong.
Mario had just turned 26 years old when he managed to specialize in orthopedics.
"Now, finally, I have more time to devote to my sister - she thought Mario on that occasion - Things settle down and she will find its way "
You could say that she had not time even to think of it: the young, after participating in a wild rave, died suddenly of a heroin overdose. The shock to Mario, it was terrible. Perhaps worse than that experienced the death of his mother.
Life, however, must always continue. Anyway. In one way or another ... After a couple of years and the promising young doctor met a freelance journalist ... enterprising, nonconformist and ... very nice. It was love. After a short married. For a bit 'of time they lived happily ever after. The young journalist he made a niche in the world of sport, business, began to travel throughout Italy. Sometimes it was away for two or three days ... but Mario soon began to suspect that those absences were not so innocent. Or at least not alone. Within a few years became suspicious certainty: his wife was cheating on him. Repeatedly. With more than men. Thus began the ordeal of the new Mario: to bring back his wife on the right path. Putting aside their pride, their jealousy, their anger ... trying in every possible way to help his young wife to find a dimension of authenticity and possible happiness. So they lived for more than ten years, until the day in which the woman found a man whose attitude, in some mysterious way, it fits with her neurosis, causing them to leave her husband and follow him to a different fate.
When Dr. Smith came to this point in his story, looked at me in silence for a few minutes ... Then, his eyes wet with tears ill detained, I asked
- Do you think I should feel guilty for the death My sister, right? And through the story with my wife, whose neurosis, in some ways, reminiscent of my sister, I'm walking a same experience of salvation ... maybe not looking for a ransom?
Her face was a mask of pain. Pain in the pure state.
- Yes - I said touched - this is exactly what I suspected.
- I believe doctor? Until a few moments ago I would not have even imagined such a thing.
- I'm sure, do not worry. Otherwise she would not be here today.
was in this way that Dr. Smith saw the emergence of all its real question spontaneously from the depths of the soul are perhaps guilty of the death of my sister? I could help more than it did? And if not, is right for me to leave my ex-wife to his fate after all that I have endured and done for her but never received any recognition?
At this point, promised his analysis very well: the hardest part (the real detachment from his wife and a chance to begin a new life) was yet to be developed. But the biggest obstacle, as represented by the growing awareness of the unconscious reasons that until that moment affected him deeply, had been exceeded.
was enough to hope!
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